Are You Selfish?

Why being “selfish” is sometimes the best thing you can do.

Is that the case with you?

• You do everything for your kids/for your family/for other people.
• You don’t put yourself first – all other people in your family come first. You think that’s natural.
• You think “I’m not important. Other people are far more important than I am!”
• You’re the person that holds everything together.

The consequence of this behaviour is that at the end of the day you’re depleted and just fall in bed because you’re so tired.

But you still think that it would be selfish if you would take (more) time for yourself.

Don’t Be So Selfish!

Do you remember advice like this? Maybe your parents installed these beliefs in yourself:

“Don’t be so selfish!”

“Don’t have a big ego!“

You know, that may be good advice – for selfish people! For people with big egos!

But there are a lot of people out there – maybe you? – where the opposite thing would be good.

I often find that you have to look for the background of the person that gives the advice. Maybe they had problems with a big ego for themselves, and the best thing for them was to get more humble. For them the natural thing is to also give this advice of being humble to all other people.

The sad fact is that people with the tendency to give, give, give also think they should have no ego and be even more humble. And more unimportant.

I find that especially women have this tendency.

Spiritual People Should Have No Ego

In the spiritual world there is this tendency to reduce your ego. I think that’s often the wrong approach which could have wrong side effects.

It’s good to have a healthy ego, not to have no ego. That means to have good self-esteem and feel comfortable with yourself.

It means to be nice and friendly to other people, but to also have the ability to say no sometimes – if it’s warranted.

It means having a healthy balance of giving and taking.

It definitely doesn’t mean to invite other people to treat you like a doormat.

I hope you can see that I’m not talking about the really selfish/egocentric people here. They have an unhealthy ego, they react negatively, think that they don’t get enough.

Nurture Yourself First

Did you know this fact? The more you nurture yourself, the more you can give to other people.

It’s like a fountain – if you fill it with nothing and you still give, there will be the time where there is nothing left. But if you fill it with care of the self, it overflows and you have enough to give to other people.

Things you can do to nurture yourself

Maybe you think you don’t have much time, but that’s often just an excuse, because you can have time. You can also grab 5 minutes here, 10 minutes there during your day.

• Lay down with a blanket on your coach and have a hot beverage.
• Have a bath, and make it a really nice thing – maybe with candles and stuff like that. Bubbles!
• Buy fresh flowers to give your place a new look.
• Make or buy yourself a really delicious meal – something special, maybe with a special ingredient.
• Listen to your favourite songs.

Focus on being gentle with yourself. It’s not about how long it takes, but it’s about the fact that you do something for yourself.

“For my 10 minutes a day, I like to light up my candles, sip on some tea, lay back and read a good book. 10 minutes is a long time when you enjoy every minute.” –Anny R.

Always remember: you are important. 🙂

Do you sometimes think you are selfish? Do other people tell you that you’re selfish?