Do you want to know how to be really unhappy?
So, you find that you’re too happy and you finally want to do something about it? Peter comes to the rescue! Here are my 7 tips to be unhappy.
I know, it may sound like really hard work, but you can do it! Or maybe you’re already a master at those things. Come and find out if that’s the case!
“Should” yourself into all kinds of things.
One of the most important things to unhappiness is the word “should”. It is of utmost importance to use it all the time.
Here are some thoughts that your mind can play over and over – sentences that really work:
You can get a lot of help with “should” from other people. I bet there is a person in your life that uses this word a lot.
Does that sound familiar to you? “You should do this instead of doing that!”
Thank the person for his/her advice, and ask him/her to continue with it. And maybe you’re really lucky and there are two people in your life who are giving the opposite advice! (He said I should do this, but she said I should do that!)
The bottom line is this: do not listen to your inner self. Try to only listen to advice coming from outside.
“I’m such a loser! I should have started with the project yesterday!”
Now it’s too late to start new things.
Or tomorrow will be the right time to start new things.
There are 2 times to live in when you want to be unhappy.
Live in the past, because “everything was better in the past.” Just ask certain old men and women, they will tell you exactly this thing. And they are right, aren’t they? Except for some small details that may be better today. Like modern medicine. Higher life spans. Mobile phones. Or the Internet. But who needs these things anyway. Right?
But maybe living in the past isn’t your kind of thing. Fear not, you can live in the future! Yay! Just think about all those marvelous things that will be coming in the future!
But here’s the secret to living in the future: you must not do something to achieve those goals. Because if you would do steps to achieve them it may really happen that your goals suddenly manifest. And that would be really sad, because then you wouldn’t have something to dream about, right?
You can achieve the same effect when you always change your goals and dreams.
Maybe you can’t decide if you want to live in the past or in the future. So if you’re really adventurous, you could try to live in the past and in the future at the same time! Just be careful not to somehow find yourself in some sort of time machine setting.
But it doesn’t really matter what you choose, the most important thing to unhappiness is not to live in the now.
There is a lot to worry about.
It doesn’t make any sense to do it, mind you, but please continue to worry about all kinds of things. Because, you know, things could happen – hell could freeze over! – and that should be reason enough to worry, right?
There are a lot of topics you can worry about: your health, your future, your family – be creative! Just use a little of your imagination. Or turn on the TV and watch the news.
So I would suggest to really worry at least for an hour per day. 2 hours would be even better. All this worry energy will affect your chakra and your energy body, will fill you with lots of negative energy, and so it will be a lot easier to be unhappy. Thank god! 🙂
Do you think you’re responsible for your situation? Don’t think that. Here’s what you have to do to. Believe that everybody else but you is responsible for your situation. Think that “they” tricked you in that.
These are some helpful beliefs to unhappiness:
“The government is the only one that is responsible for my ill fate.”
“Other people are responsible for my life.”
Just don’t step into your own power and take responsibility for your life – that would just lead to happiness! OMG!
You have to really, really want to be unhappy! I would suggest to set the goal to become unhappy in the next month.
You can use affirmations to strengthen this goal.
Place yourself in front of your mirror.
Say “I choose to be unhappy NOW!” And please try not to laugh. Because this is serious business! 😀
Greta Garbo was alone. And she liked it that way. Rumor has it that it gave a nice paleness to her face because she almost never left her home in the later part of her life.
(There’s a really funny sketch from Saturday Night Live, you can find it here: The Greta Garbo I Knew.)
A lot of that might be myth, but it’s still something to think about if you want to be unhappy. And remember: if you’ve got some flowers, then put every flower in a separate vase, so that every flower is… alone.
That’s the best tip that I have for you.
Get a job that you don’t like to do.
Do what what seems to be the safe choice. The safe choice might be booooooring and really unfulfilling, but it’s safe, right? And that’s all that matters.
Just think how unhappy you would be, getting up every morning to a new day of dreadful work.
Oh, you already have such a job? Congratulations!
Now it’s really important to stay on track and don’t think about alternatives!
Just don’t think about doing what you’re really good at and changing something.
Because if you would live your soul gifts, that would only lead to lots of happiness and freedom of expression. And that’s not something we need for your goal of becoming unhappy. 😉
This last point alone is a key ingredient in being unhappy. So, by all means, please continue doing your boring job if you have one. And if you don’t already have one – what are you waiting for!?
* * *
You can tell that being unhappy is a lot of work. You have to use several things to really become unhappy!
Did you already try some of these tips? Did they work? 😉
(Note: just in case it’s not obvious, this article is intended as satire.)
Please log in again. The login page will open in a new tab. After logging in you can close it and return to this page.
funny article and also very true.
I love the quote in the sidebar :
“Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart.”
— Carl Jung
Looking forward reading more
I’m glad that you liked it. 🙂
Liked your post Peter!
You surely did put up good reason to make ourselves unhappy 🙂
I don’t think I would really choose either of them, as I would always want to look at the brighter side of things and think positive 🙂
I guess to be happy or sad is all a state of mind, and you can be either, depending on how or what you think – isn’t it?
Thanks for sharing. 🙂
Oh, I hope you don’t really use these tips, they’re all written tongue in cheek! 🙂
I agree with Akos, it’s funny, true and happening to most of us. How easy it would be to be unhappy just following your tips. I’m even doing some of them, especially worrying a lot.
Perhaps I shouldn’t have read your post because now you’ve made me happy. 🙂
Seriously though, I can’t imagine anyone wanting to be unhappy unless they’re doing it subconsciously without realizing it or it’s been a habit that’s hard to break but your post will surely be an eye-opener.
I love how you end this article with “Trying to be unhappy is lots of work.” Soooo true…and yet many people do this hard work every single day!! Happiness and unhappiness are choices that we each make everyday. We have free will to be happy or not. One thing that I wish people would realize more is that they do not have to be stuck in a job that they despise…there are alternatives as your post hopefully alerted some subconscious minds that read tip #7.
Great approach with this article! Love it. 🙂
Thank you! I had lots of fun writing the article (it didn’t seem like lots of work 😉 ), and maybe I’ll write more in that style.
Peter, I think we can all learn a lot from this post. I was laughing because I realize that I ‘should’ myself all of the time. It is really a dumb mentality to get into but I do it a lot.
I’m sure you meant this to be funny, but I see some very practical value in it too.
You are so right, especially about the worrying part, it can ruin your life! Thank you.
Hey Peter, this is your teacher. I am checking up on you and can vouch for everything you say about yourself and I will add that you understated your qualities.
A great soul you are and you have a special destiny. I very much enjoyed the time we had together in Austin Texas. A great student you were. I wish you the very best and know that you are guided a deep inner strength.
Thank you for everything, Coletta! We had a really great time and I learned a lot. 🙂